Sometimes It's Frustrating How Much I Want To Write

I can't stop the ideas/the thoughts from coming
Constantly writing
Jotting things down in notebooks
On paper
On napkins at a restaurant
On my hand
My mind is eager to bleed out on something
Hopefully create something worth it

I've come to realize that
People will stay in your life
For a certain period of time
They are not here to stay
It's exremely rare
For someone to stick by your side
Until "death do you part"
Usually some kind of separation
Takes place
And you're back to how you originally were
Alone
But why am I so willing
To be there for you?
Even after all you've put me through
My heart feels so heavy
And weak
I wish it wasn't so hard to breathe
There's a pain in my chest
A lump in my throat
It won't go down
And it hurts to swallow
But I won't submit to defeat
Who the fuck am I kidding?
I got to get my shit together
You don't really care about me
You never really did
I was living in a lie with you
You deceived me
You poisoned me
Why do I hold on to so much hope for this?
Why do I continue to care so much?
Because I'm fucking real
And my love is sincere
And I can't help it
But I'm jealous of you
I wish I could disconnect as easily as you
I wish I could stop caring like you do
I really just wish I could be numb