Principle (finding harmony)

At the end of everything, reality is still reality. How can you appreciate a remarkable phenomenon if you can't distinguish it from an everyday occurrence? You never find meaning in things, you're so chaotic. This is why you can't value or appreciate and probably never will. How can you distinguish a four leaf clover from the rest and even acknowledge it as a rarity? You seem to lump everything in together so that it becomes even harder to distinguish. Such ignorance, such dismissal... Maybe you should move the hair out of your face. You never know when you have something good because you never acknowledge it as such. You can't distinguish something beneficial from something harmful. You make everything seem so meaningless. You seem to think that objectivity is impossible because people are all ignorant like you. When really, you're only projecting your own ignorance off of yourself. You seem to think that having a proper worldview is so impossible. I guess it makes sense since you never acknowledge the embodiment of impossibility right in front of you. Can you not value and appreciate something even when it gave you unconditional love? Can you not acknowledge the singularity of things and hold on to them tighter because you'll never find another like that again? Can you not simply stop and realize how lucky you've been? And learn to be grateful?

Balance is key to everything in life. Eating, weight, hobbies and work, etc. If you drink too little water, you can dehydrate. If you drink too much, you can get water poisoning. This is true for everyone. Focus on these facts and doing what's right.

Sometimes you have to walk away, and if you both really loved each other you will find each other again someday....

You can be ready to fight for the relationship and do what it takes, but if the other person is not able to (at the moment, or at all) then you can put in all the effort and it still won't work out... You can't expect your love to be reciprocated all the time... And you shouldn't want it if it's forced...

Perfection is exception and you are singular

Everything you experience is through you and how you've taught yourself to process things in this body, this flesh machinery, that you have been supplied with to make something useful out of. And ignorance would be relying on the mere feelings of what this world instigates in your consciousness. You must learn to disconnect from emotion, when logic is present. Objectivity ensues; it's seeing this world the way it should be. After all, we're all humans with the same capabilities and general ideals. We all want to find balance and happiness. We all want to be successful and reap the best rewards out of life. We are all living in the same world and reality is real for everyone unless you can't distinguish it from fantasy. Disease and death, pollution and poverty. Let's all come together and do what's ultimately right, let's all join together to win this fight. This world needs humans living in harmony, not conflict and chaos. There is a right way to do things. There is balance on a weighing scale. There is rationality. However when humans are relying on themselves rather than everything as a whole, hope seems bleak. Learn to branch out and be well rounded, to see things objectively so that you can make the best decisions. How would you settle on one insurance plan without considering all of the other plans? Efficiency and effectiveness. We are all generally after the same things and want the best results. We want to be healthy and fit and people get plastic surgery to try and be something they could never be naturally. Humans are imperfect creatures. Balance is something they strive towards, not something they are born with. So take pride in your big nose and your crooked teeth, it's what makes you human. And you don't need to travel the world to know the reality of it; you don't need to be put in the face of death to know it exists. It makes you more aware of it and appreciative of the good things in life. And there needs to be more good in the world, so obviously not everyone is doing what's right. Like Ricky Gervais said: "Dear intelligent people of the world: Don't get shampoo in your eyes, it stings. And stop torturing animals." There seems to be a pretty simple basis to live by, but people seem to make it more complicated than it should be. We can all acknowledge a phenomenon or a miracle, we can all marvel in wonder at scenery caused by natural forces. We can all be touched by an act of kindness and cry when tragedy hits us. And so we comfort each other and give each other advice because we are all generally after the same thing. The first step towards harmony and unity is to acknowledge how we can all come together and do the right thing. So let's start to balance out the weighing scale and stand up straight so we don't tip over. We have the right tools and knowledge. Now let's put it into action, properly. It's a small world, after all. 

Just looking for a way back home tonight....

Life is short, it goes by quickly.. But people seem to disregard that a lot, when so much time is wasted and they seem to treat it like something less limited than it really is... It's not like you're immortal... So I'm gonna stop hanging around and waiting for things to happen and saying "I just need time" no I just need to get my ass up and do something before there is no time... Life should be treated more fragile... You could die tomorrow so don't put off what you can get done today... Do something while you still can...

Recognition

Soon you'll come to realize I'm not like any of them.... In all of the ways that set me apart from them and make me stand out to begin with...

Life is a feeling away~

To feel alive you must awaken those emotions within you that make it feel worth living. Something that awakens the passion within you and makes you love living life.. Something that makes you cry, sing, and dance in happiness... Something that makes you want to live and never want to die.... You can find it, if you try....

Akasha~

You know, it's okay that you doubt me.. Because then you'll be even more surprised when I actually accomplish my dreams and goals and it'll be just that much more amazing...

I know we wanted to leave things on good terms between us, but we didn't come here for a goodbye so it's not going to be good...

I was really in love with this girl.. And I thought I would be with her forever... This is the regret I have to live with...

Oh sweet sadness, have some mercy...

And he looked at me as a tear streamed down my face. Sadness filled his eyes and he said "You really did love her, didn't you?" And he wiped away my tears and held me as I cried, "I've been through the same thing... But now you've found someone that will never leave you."

 Something I wrote in a journal when I was still with her:

Death will be our only separation, but even then I believe we'll join together as one like you said in that dream you had. You said you were floating above the world, up in the clouds, looking down below and you felt such an overwhelming sense of peace.. There was no fear, no feelings of distress, just pure tranquility and you thought "If this is what death is like, then it's not that bad....." And we talked about our spirits joining together as one after death and traveling the skies as ephemeral orbs of energy. So ironically, death wouldn't be a separation, rather a unity. And I thought that was so beautiful and I've held on to that... It's those lovely deep conversations we had that made me want to talk to you more and more and share everything I was feeling with you whether good or bad... And I became so enthralled by you that everything you said had such an impact on me that it gave me chills.... Even just a simple "Good morning," being able to see you looking down at me and smiling first thing after opening my eyes made me appreciate waking up and being able to live another day even more because I would get to spend it with you.... And I was just always so excited to see where we would go and what we would do... I was completely captivated by you...

Distracting myself is easy, I do it every day. But missing you is heartache that never goes away...

It's sad when two people made each other so incredibly happy and now you can't even look at them...

Memories are really special so make as many happy memories as you can.. Because at the end of everything, they're all you have left...

I have so much fucking love that even if I wanted to hate people I couldn't... If I could save someone from a burning house, even if it meant getting burned myself, I would do it without hesitation... Now that would make me feel special.. To save someone's life... I have always put others before me, because without the people I love, there wouldn't be a reason for living.. Making others proud and happy is my purpose... If I can accomplish that then I will feel fulfilled in life...

......

Life is very lovely, why do we waste so much of it away?... The world is so very beautiful, why do we destroy it?....

So many things about you piss me off.. But I love you and loving someone is about accepting them for who they are and so I learned that it was the first step towards loving everything you do, simply because it's you....

I held on so tight, but I had to let go...

And so I let you go in the hopes that someday you'll come to realize what you lost... Not necessarily for a reunion or reconciliation, but for your own lesson in value and appreciation.

Love is not confinement or restriction, it's freedom...

For me, love is limitless.. Love is free.. And that's how it should be... Love is spiritual.. Love is genderless... Love is a connection that ignites within you.. Chemistry that sparks inside of you....

You still flicker on, even when you're gone...

Every time I'm filled with anger with the memory of you and what you did to me, I come to such horrible conclusions like there's no hope and I never want to see you again.. And just when I feel like I can finally move on, instead of remembering your hurtful words, I see your smile and it lightens up my day and I just can't ever forget something like that... I'd assume it's a little bit of the same for you.. I could never hate you...

Oh Love~

Falling back into a love that could never be killed only tucked away into the crevasse of your memory and dismissed as a nuisance of your feelings, is only a glance or a smile away from being triggered and igniting that passionate flame again that is waiting to burn away brightly....

What will be your excuse now?

There's no room for excuses. If you tell someone you'll be there for them always, then you'll stick with them through thick and thin. You don't seem to understand the meaning of unconditional love or making a commitment. It means you'd never abandon the one you love and give up on them because you believe in them. Your excuses are only for covering up your lies because you don't want to look like an unreliable piece of shit.

Every now and then I kick the living shit out of me..

We set ourselves up for failure and then beat ourselves up over it. It's like "You deserve it, you fucking idiot. Get your shit together!" Funny how when people are in denial, they try and pin the blame on others for their misery or whatever the fuck they're too caught up pissing and moaning about to fix themselves when they're the ones putting themselves in that position to begin with. You reap what you sow, as we all should know. So you really are your own worst enemy....

Hah

"Oh I care about what happens to you." No you don't.. You lied about that too. I could be dead right now and where the fuck are you? Somewhere with your head up your ass.... That's impressive.

Should be redundant for everyone

You can't make a wise decision about something without the facts surrounding it....

An opinion is an idea we form which can be ill-informed, misinformed, or just plain ignorant. If you don't have a foundation of facts, then your basis is shifty like trying to build a house on rocky land; it's not stable...

You gotta change the way you do things if you want to succeed. You have to have the right attitude and take proper actions. Because if you're not seeing any progress, then you're doing something wrong. And don't blame it on anyone else, it only delays the process. You're responsible, motherfucker!

Coffee and Cigarettes

Coffee stains and cigarette burns.... Once looking at your face made my heart race.. And now, with the thought of you... My stomach churns.... Submerged in smoke.... Drowning in coffee... Every time I try to speak, I choke... Coughing up regrets ever since you left me.. Ever since I met you, I never wanted to let you down... I never wanted to be the cause of a frown... And as the flames burn brighter, the memory only flickers wilder.... Vivid and clear, it's as if you were still here..... And as I sit here alone, sipping coffee and smoking a cigarette... I watch the day end with the grand finale of a sunset... And I wonder why something would burn so bright only to slowly fade away... I guess everything comes to an end someday.. And what lives on is the memory... After the cigarette has been long put out and the coffee mug is empty and you lay there on the couch alone pondering about life and the mysteries it holds... You slowly start to see the reality... You see the clarity.. That the blackness of night is just as radiant as the golds... And I start to miss everything about you.... And everything we didn't do.... Just because the light is gone, doesn't mean it can't shine again.... Just because the ink has run out doesn't mean you need a new pen.... My friend, this is something that can't be replaced... When I let go of that balloon, I wish it was something I would've chased.... Because now, the reality must be faced.... You're gone and I'm so incoherent I can't even count to ten.... And ten more seconds from now, I'll be lying on the ground... Mourning for something that was lost and never found....

Educate Yourself, Save Yourself

The world feeds off of ignorance.. The media, banks, organizations, corporations, institutions.. If people became well-educated then banks and colleges would lose money.. There would be no money to fund for the production of pointless television shows that no one would've cared for otherwise... Society wants to feed people wasteful shit that blinds them to the realities of the world.. All of these ingrained customs are in favor of Corporate America. It distracts people and keeps them feeble-minded; they need their minions under a certain level of intellectual capacity. And as soon as it starts rising, like the miles on a car, they shoot you back down with propaganda and other forms of brainwashing... But I am the gingerbread man, they can't catch me! I will keep rising above society!

I'll always care, I'm just numbing myself....

When I gave a fuck, you took me for granted. And now that I have disconnected myself, I'm a bitch.. Well gee, fuck me.... You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't...

I'll always care... I'll care till the end... Until you pull the plug... But you left me here suffering... And now I'm reaching for the plug.... I... Have... To... Pull... It... Myself.....

Only With You

I only feel like having sex when I'm with you or around you.. It's so strange that I'm such a horny sex goddess when you're next to me and when you're gone I don't even think about sex... You turn me on like nothing else can... You're the one person that makes me feel like no one else does.... And that's something extremely special.. Monogamy exists... If the unity between two people is faithful, there is no need for sexual desire elsewhere when nothing else can satisfy me like you do.. You've got that magic touch... You are the highest of highs... And everything else just leaves me wanting you...

Come Together

Let's agree on reality and doing what's right. You see this peanut butter sandwich, it has protein. Oh yes, it does. Good, no dispute on factuality. If you're focusing solely on facts there should be no fight. It should just be two people acknowledging them together. And choosing the best option, rationally. This world needs organization and unity. Less chaos and conflict...

You still feel like you haven't lost me...

You think you have me so secured don't you? So that any second you feel like turning around, I'll be there with arms wide open. You take advantage of all my love for you... And you don't deserve me.. This world doesn't deserve me; people tell me I'm too nice all the time. People are selfish by nature and will take advantage of you to satisfy their own needs. Which is one of the reasons why I started developing a general dislike of humanity and being more attentive to all their flaws. I started seeing the reality of it and how I couldn't just wear my heart on my sleeve and let people suck me dry like vampires... You never really felt like you lost anything because you know that I am real and that I follow through. And you never truly learned to value or appreciate. You call me out on being vain, when in reality, you're the vain one. In the sense that you feel like you could have anything at your disposal with the snap of a finger or that you should be able to.

......

Life is a big learning experience and then you die.....

The Things I Never Got to Tell You...

You had asked me, or rather challenged me, to write you a list of all of the things I love about you. And the reason I never got to finish it was because it'd take me forever to write everything and it'd always be left unfinished, awaiting for the next thing you'd do that would amaze me and make me fall in love with you more. So I'll never be done telling you how much I love you and why. And that's just how incredible you are. Poor weary soul, you are not defined by your mistakes; you are defined by what you have made of these learning experiences. You are defined by your achievements and how you overcame all of these obstacles, and picked yourself up after you fell and continued to push forward with even more strength than before. And please don't ever think that I don't acknowledge the struggle you've been through because I was right by your side. And I know how hard it is and how bad it hurts. I want to be happy and successful just as much as you do. I want to have proper ideals and live a long healthy wealthy life. But my biggest achievement would be to see the one's I love smile because success is happiness and happiness is love and love is not selfish..

Dear Love

Why didn't I hug you instead? Why didn't we just lay there in silence, just appreciating each others company? Why didn't I grab your face and kiss you instead of continuing to fuel the fight? You can't really get rationality out of anger anyway. Why couldn't I just let you go instead of holding on to you and wanting you to stay? I'll never be okay with you walking away... But if it made you happy I wouldn't want to try and hold you back.. Although, I don't think you really know what makes you happy.. And I feel safe to say that we made each other incredibly happy.. And we only affected each other negatively because we care, and love is not always happiness. Your loved ones can upset and disappoint you as well.. Not everything you feel will be in bliss... That's love, it's about caring enough to stay with someone through thick and thin...

I remember coming home from work that day we had fought and crying myself to sleep and then I heard a knock at the door and I didn't think it was you until I heard you say "Baby," and I thought I must still be dreaming... I was so ecstatic when you made that effort to come see me.. You laid with me on the bed while we hugged and you had even brought me candy... And I thought, "She really does care about me." And you told me that you'd never want to leave me alone while I cried and that I should know you'd always be there for me.... I was so inexplicably happy at that moment, I just wanted to lay there with you forever... Movement scares me sometimes, just a simple hand motion because I don't want to disconnect from that moment. And suddenly the ticking clock breeds anxiousness and fear in me... And I ask myself, will this be the last moment lived with you in happiness? And I start grieving for that feeling of euphoria before it's even dissipated into the past... Breathing in the bittersweet reality, I teach myself to accept that everything that makes you happy is taken away from you someday. So that I can learn to appreciate it more... Every moment and laughter shared.. Every happy carefree memory, cruising on country roads and staying out until dawn... And to not let go so quickly when I say goodbye because it might really be goodbye...

I remember us standing and hugging each other and being completely content with just doing that... That's pretty amazing to enjoy just the simple presence of someone and not having to worry about saying or doing anything other than just being there next to them....

..... Do you even cry? And when you cry, is it all out of pity for yourself?

Taking my time, but it's time that I'm wasting...

Could've been easier to stay, if you tried....

Take a stroll down memory lane, never forget those that made you happy... Remember the good. And remember the bad, so that you know you've messed up and will never make that mistake again...  Don't leave anything out; the challenge of completing a puzzle is filling in every missing piece and our struggle is part of it.. Don't hide your bruises, don't hold back your tears.. Let go of all these irrational fears.. Be proud, be confident you've made it this far.. You're a fighter, you can go as far as you want. You only fail if you submit to defeat... Remember that and carry on with those weary feet... Calloused soles, clothes tattered with holes.. It doesn't matter how you made it, what's important is that you're here.. Even if you've been greeted with hopelessness many times, enough to make you want to give up and just die.. It's okay, go ahead and yell. Sing a song of pity, you're the only one creating that negativity. Go ahead and cry.. Just know that you can do it, if you try...

Every day is a gift, make it worth something. Every day should be worth living. Each moment you let by without creating a memory you're proud of is a moment misused. Don't just let the days go by....

Something as simple as breathing is a struggle sometimes. Imagine the challenges that await you in life, if just staying alive is a battle. But in reality the fight is what makes success worth it, because if it was just handed to us it wouldn't mean anything.... It'd be a given, we'd take it for granted. Just like this life we live and complain about. You can either complain about life being bad and put up with it, or you can do something about it. Never conform, your life is worth more than that. Never give up the battle, you will never learn the meaning of success if you don't. Success only means something when you've endured a tornado and persevered through it. The bigger the challenge, the more value your reward has. This is how value and appreciation is created. People never realize what they have until it gets taken away...

Never Stop Trying

We got this far and then you threw it all away.. What will you ever achieve? If you didn't even fight for the one you loved? You give up when it gets hard and unbearable.. But you seem to forget that that's life and you have to keep pushing through if you ever want to make it through... Because when all hope seems lost and life knocks you down, giving up is the worst thing to do. It's these obstacles that we must overcome that reward us with success to begin with. So with gritting teeth and bloody knuckles, you must push with all your might until your last breath.. Don't surrender and lose the fight.. You will only feed into weakness and give up on finding strength. It's a time to fight and conquer and persevere. This is the price we pay for happiness.. Success is an amazing feeling of completion, but it's one of the hardest things to achieve in life... Once you reach the mountaintops you will feel so strong and fulfilled. It's a feeling that's worth the fight, and you'll never regret all the tears blood and sweat. You will become unbeatable, anything will be achievable. But you must first believe. You have to believe in yourself, even when it seems so bleak. Because if you don't believe you can, you'll never know how capable you are. And you can do it, if you try. If you're willing to stay and fight, there is always a way to win.

So different, yet so connected...

No matter how different they were, they still had one thing in common: They were madly in love with each other. And even though they fought and challenged each other every day, the reward of having each other persevering sticking by each other continuing to provide that unconditional love was worth the trials and tribulations of love.

Honestly, I think you're just a bitch by nature. So good luck finding someone that will put up with that.. More so, good luck finding someone who even loves you a fraction of the love I had for you.

The Trials and Tribulations of Making a Relationship Successful

We put in so much effort into the relationship and then you just throw it away. And don't say, oh I threw it away because it was bad and unhealthy and blah. I mean that's exactly why you work through it together to get past that shit and make it healthy and successful and we were working on it. But in reality no relationship is really happy dandy all the time; people go through hardships and encounter obstacles all the time. What proves to make a relationship successful is when both people are willing to do what's necessary to avoid certain situations. Because if you want someone that won't fight and clash with you over differences than just date yourself. Honestly, you'd probably just end up arguing with yourself too. Let's say you're Christian and I'm Atheist; I would learn to avoid conversation about beliefs because I know that that's one of our areas of difference. I mean, it's just about learning how to make things work to be with the one you love. Relationships are compromise and sacrifice, but that doesn't mean starving yourself or any unhealthy behavior like that; if anything that would harm the relationship. And couples annoy each other; they get on each others nerves much like your parents and siblings because these are people you spend a lot of time with. But because you love them you are willing to do what it takes to work through things with them and become ultimately united in the end. And these obstacles you get past will strengthen your relationship. If you are both willing and love each other, then there is a way. You can always make things right, if you work through them together as a team. And we emphasized on objectivity and making rational decisions so what better way to reach unity than to focus on reality and doing what's right to make the relationship successful. I told you let us be the exception in more than one way; let me show you. You have no right to say we're not if you didn't care to see it through. The potential was there. Yet you chose to throw it away. I understand you had to leave because yeah you needed space and time and you need to truly lose what you have to realize what you had and learn to value and appreciate. But I just fear that you never will, because it seems like you always push away the best things in your life. And then just come to whatever ignorant conclusion and rely on anger to help you move on. But why do you have to let it be that way? Don't ever say never, if you never mean forever. Life is what it is; it's what you make of it and get out of it.

I amaze myself with my unrelentless love and care....

Of course it was going to be hard, we were both young and going through a hard time in our lives and we were learning and growing together and trying to make our relationship successful while also trying to become financially successful and just so many things.... But we were trying and we were making progress, you can't discredit the progress we made just because it wasn't a lot. We were working on communication because that's what led to so many unnecessary fights and misunderstandings. Communication can either make or break a relationship. And of course ours resulted in a break-up because it wasn't very effective communication; we were still working on it. So many things you bashed me about just proved how much you misunderstood me so it wasn't fair for you to doubt me and give those as reasons for leaving me because they were "irreconcilable differences." Reconciliation is within capability, but what was truly out of your capability was a thorough understanding of what I tried to communicate to you. And you held so much stuff inside, not knowing how harmful it was. And so yeah, it blew up. What did you expect? You weren't even actively trying to find solutions. You were pinning the blame on the relationship because you thought that was the problem when it was only a problem because you had made it one. Do you really need a relationship expert to tell you communication is vital for any relationship to be successful? And although you will both have differences, the best thing you can do is both agree on doing what's right to make the relationship happy and healthy.. But fuck you, fuck that, fuck me for following through. You ask me how I can believe in a person that has consistently let me down. Well, it's quite simple really.. I love you and I know you could change if you wanted to. So really all it comes down to is you not knowing what you want and not even realizing what you have/had.

You CAN achieve what you WANT you have to believe

You don't know that you CAN because you don't have faith in yourself. And you'll never have faith if you don't think you CAN. But you said you WANT before you said you don't know if you can, and that's where the key lies to knowing if you ever can because you also have to WANT and that's enough incentive...

.......

Would you rather hold each other through hard times or let go forever? It'll only hurt more if you don't really want to let go. But if you really don't want to let go, then holding each other is the most right thing you could do. And holding you has always felt right. This doesn't. You talk about it being unhealthy when we're together, well I feel unhealthy when I'm apart from you for too long. We have to find that balance..

Appreciate

I loved you, when you didn't love yourself... I always saw the good in you, even when you let me down... I never stopped believing in you, when you had already given up on yourself....

......

If your premise for leaving someone is because you've caused hurt and pain, then you should just refrain from any relationship. Are you really telling me that after hurting the one person you claimed to love so immensely, you won't hurt anyone else?

I never meant to be a burden...

And you knew I would read it because you know I never stopped reading your poetry... I'm your biggest fan and you're my biggest guilty pleasure... But why should I feel guilt? When I'm only being real? I can't deny what I feel... You projected your unhappiness on me because you thought I was the cause, when you were unhappy before and after me. If that didn't make you realize, it was you that had been the problem, then you will never truly find happiness. You thought I would make it all disappear but I only made things more real because you knew how much I brought reality to your attention when you tried to escape so many times and just hide away in a fantasy world. How was I supposed to help save you from yourself and all your self-loathing, if you didn't even want to be helped and wanted to just hide away? Behind a computer screen. Behind your hair. I tried to brush it away so you could see clearly. I tried to hold on to you as you slowly slipped away from my grip and reality, spiraling down into a pit of no return. Yet that only seemed to make your bruises sting more. And I realized, in order to save you, I had to walk away. You never had a right being in a relationship that way. Nothing I can do or say can make you stay. Until you choose to help yourself. Until you stop and listen and understand what it truly is that I'm trying to say...

I speak to animals...

The roses that you gave me have long withered away and died...

The songs that you used to play for me now sound so distant and cold...

The words in the letters you had wrote to me are starting to fade away....

The more I try to remember the sound of your laughter

The more I begin to realize how long it's been...

The more I begin to miss even just the sound of your breathing

Next to mine....

And laying my head on your chest

In my favorite position

So I could hear your soothing heartbeat....

Now I speak to animals..

Because they're the only ones that understand me...

When humans are selfish and have hidden motives...

And how can I find comfort in someone else's embrace

When it's you that I long for and grieve..

The only thing it does is make me miss you more...

Nothing can substitute

Nothing can replace

Waking up to a smile on your face....

I am left with such a bittersweet taste

Since your departure

My love has begun to waste

Months that pass

Make me feel the realness

And cringe in pain

At the realization

That you will never return again...

Anything, I would've gave to you.. Anywhere, I would've followed you...

I am but a lost kitten trying to find her way back home... I have been deceived and betrayed, but my love is unconditional... I will always sail the seas in search of you.... Even when things are bad, I will always wonder about you... And I will always miss you, even when you hurt me.... I am not masochistic, I am extremely passionate... As a matter of fact, I wish on every shooting star that you will stop hurting me... But it seems to be the only thing you were ever able to be consistent with...

You keep searching, but never find it. Did you ever come to wonder that maybe it was something you left behind? Something that can never be replaced... You can search high and low, but no one will ever love you the way I did...

Your kisses, they sent shocks of electricity through my body and made me feel alive.. So fucking alive.... You made me feel more alive than I ever have before.. Every time we made love and we fit together so perfectly like pieces to a puzzle in a position that seems unconquerable by most.... I was filled with such bliss and pleasure that I would give up a lifetime for if I could just feel it again and slip into a peaceful death right after.. But when I was with you, you made me never want to die... So I found myself becoming obsessed with immortality because you made me want to live forever...

I just hope you're doing okay...

I can't pretend not to care or worry about someone I know will always matter to me... A love like this can't be ignored or denied... Fuck me for falling in love with someone who would hurt me so much.. But I guess it's only love if it hurts...

Does everything have to have a title?

I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much, but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You think you've won because I am "expendable" to you? You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. You're alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit, but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are.

Losing Something You Already Lost

Just the mere fact that you think I'm still trying to be with you makes you seem vain and look like a huge hypocrite. And it proves how much you misunderstand what I say and my intentions. You're such a cocky bitch, I hope you know. And the fact that you think me asking for you to return my things is a ploy to see and talk to you just makes you seem so arrogant. I still remember sitting in your car pouring my heart out to you and shoving my pride to the side and you replied with "If you're trying to win me back, you're not doing a very good job." Hah.... You really need to work on not being a presumptuous asshole and taking things for granted. You even told me you did these things because you knew I wouldn't leave. Because you know how much I love you and you take advantage. Value the absolutes you have in me and stop throwing around a fragile vase like it'll never break; stop leaving the gates open like your pets will never run away. Hopefully, you will understand and value someday... But for today, I will continue to be on my way...

Ponder This

Anything worth doing is worth doing till it's right... And anything worth having is worth fighting for...

You are unhealthy on your own, you are unhealthy with me.. Have you considered that maybe you're the problem?

Someone who can't truly acknowledge and appreciate something exceptional has no right to say that something incredible is any less... Because they don't even fully acknowledge the qualities that make it so amazing and perfect in the first place. And so unlike all the rest in all of the ways that make it stand out, like a diamond among rocks... How can you value something one of a kind, if you can't even distinguish it from the rest and just lump it together with everything else? Did they never teach you to sort shapes and colors in kindergarten? Did you never pick a four-leaf clover from a field of three-leaf clovers? Were you always handed everything and expected to have everything at your disposal and do you take things for granted? Not that you should use that as an excuse. The only excuse is yourself and your "inability" (more like laziness) to completely open your eyes and realize... Maybe then you'll learn to love yourself and not hate the people who meant something in your life.

You Don't Even Know Who I Am

You didn't truly value or appreciate because you never fully realized. And you misunderstood me a lot... It's quite sad really...

Fuck this...

Why do I still feel this way? Just make it go away... You may have left, but my feelings for you never did....

Never Forever

Why did you ever say forever if you never meant it ever?....

Why do you ever say never if you never mean forever?....

Faux Lover

How can I call you "friend" when just a while ago I called you "my love?"

How can we go from sleeping next to each other every night, to not seeing each other at all?

I hope it kills you inside to know how much you've hurt me... Every time you replay it in your head.. All the shit that you said... Or maybe you're just making yourself numb because you don't want to know... But it will come back and haunt you... It'll bite you in the ass someday.. And I love you, but I hope it hurts...