What a Lovely Waste....

So much passion she had to give
What a waste
What a beautiful soul
Tortured
And never appreciated
Never valued

I could've stood by your side
For eternity if we were immortal
But why should I put that effort in
If it's not appreciated
Because it just comes so naturally
I can't help being taken advantage of
And it drains me
There's nothing there to replenish my soul
My unrelenting love and compassion
Yet I keep giving and giving
Even though I rarely receive
I keep cutting myself open and bleeding
For no fucking compensation
Except to see you smile
Just to see you happy

But then again
That's love
People seem to forget that love is sacrifice
Doing something for someone
And expecting nothing in return

Life is confinement.. Death is freedom..

To want should be enough motivation to get....

I want..
I want to play with your hair
And curl it around my fingers
I want it intertwined with mine
As we lay next to each other side by side
I want to breathe in
The air you breathe out
I want to take you in
I want to fill you in

I want..
I want to talk about strange things
I want to weird you out
In a good way..
I want to ponder the mysteries of the world together
I want to talk to someone other than the stars
About all my dreams
And I want to wish upon the shooting stars you set off in me
Like little fireworks in my tummy
When we kiss
When you just simply touch me
Or look over at me
I want to compliment you with cheesy lines
But at the same time
I want to sweetly whisper the most poetic prose into your ear
And watch you smile
And get nervous
And it'll be okay
Because we can just be nervous and awkward together
I love you
And every part of you that makes you be you
You are so intricately made
Such a unique beautiful complex puzzle
But you've been broken
And I want to put your pieces back together
Let me mend them back together with my love
I want to take your pain away
And watch it dissipate at my fingertips
As I create euphoria within you
With my delicate loving touch
You don't have to be afraid
But I know you will be
Because fear is a natural thing
And I'm afraid too
But I just want to hold your trembling body close
With my shaky hands
And tell you the things you want to hear
Not just because I want to please you
But because it's how I really feel
Down to every
Last
Fiber
In my body..
I love you more than I can even fathom
And I could list a million reasons why
But I would never be done
Because I'm always finding new ones
With everything you do
Things you say
And how you say them
Falling in love
It scares me
But I know myself
And I know that I'm consistent
And I follow through
And I just want to be with you
That's all I've been looking to do
In this crazy world of constant chaos
I want to be your consistent peace and harmony
I want to be your solid
I want to give you what you deserve
I want to show you
Because I don't even think you know yourself
What you're worth
And this love
It just comes so naturally
I want you to be part of me
I want to engrave myself in your mind
And have you replay me
Like an old record
When I'm gone
You'll still have the memories
I want to be buried with your fingerprints on my body
The moistness of your lips still on mine
I want my last thoughts to be of you
Your laughter the last sound in my ears
Your smile the last image
I want you to be the final taste in my mouth
You're my beginning
And my end

I want..
I want to talk about the constellations and the stars
And marvel at nature and animals with you
And realize how much more there is to life
I want to tell you about my dreams
And passions
And ambitions
I want to sit there in absolute silence with you
And just appreciate the moment
And take the time to look at you
And hear your breathing
In sync with mine
And lay my head on your chest
And be soothed by your heart beat
I just want to lay there next to you
And look over at you and smile
And act all shy and nervous
Then turn away
Only to look back at you again
And catch you staring back at me
Then laugh together
And roll over next to you
And cozy up by your side..
All while only talking with our bodies
Silence is our symphony
But then I want to tell you all these things
I want to share with you what's going on in my head
I want you to feel what I feel
I want to say clever things you'll remember me by
So that you'll think of it and smile when we're apart
I want to fill your head with wonders about me
So we can sit at home and wonder about each other
After we've said our good byes
All I want to do is say hello again..

I love you

When you can't go on any longer
Let me be the beat to your heart
Our connection is like life support
Let me breathe my life into you
You make me want to live
Just to make sure you're okay

Oh love..

I remember crying for you
I felt like if I went on
I would cry my own lakes
And then I could swim in my own sorrow
And I still could
But I won't let myself
I have forced myself
To disconnect
Like cutting off a piece of myself
Well there goes my second half
It wasn't much of a half to begin with
Lies create an illusion
And you fooled me
I helplessly fell under your spell
Your beauty only made it harder
To let go
When you told me to leave
I almost couldn't believe
I held on to the only thing I had ever really loved
The first person
And for that you are even more special
But it's okay
I'll just keep you in my memory
Tucked away
Some of the most beautiful things
Are only meant to be kept on display
So I will keep you there
Day after day
The memories replay
But the time has long since gone away
Hold on to what you can
But let what you love free
Light it up
And let it go
Why would you want to cage a beautiful bird?
I'd rather just admire you from afar
But wait
I want to feel you
I want to show you how much I could love you
More than anyone else could
I want to give you what you're searching for
Understanding and acceptance
A sense of belonging
I want to tell you that you're special
I want you to know..
How much you mean to me..
But here I am again being told the same thing
Just.. Let.. It.. Go..
I guess such a selfless act can only be done
By someone who really cares
But it's just so.. Damn.. Hard
To say good bye for good..
Well the good in good bye must be for something
At least I can keep a piece of you forever with me
In my memory
No one is here to stay
We can't
We're just here to leave a mark
And hopefully a positive impact
And have you remember us in the best ways
Never forget me
That's all I ask
When I finally leave someday
Either by inconvenience or death
Just hold on to what I gave you
At least the good
And never forget the love I gave you
I hope it forever stays engraved in you..

....

Why do I get the urge to write at night when I'm trying to sleep? ..Something about the night.. So peaceful, the atmosphere so fitting, the darkness so mysterious and enchanting inspires my imagination.. Fuels my motivation.. I bleed out my thoughts on to paper with ink.. Every stroke creating something new, into the darkness I immerse myself, creating something out of nothing.. And I love it, I absolutely love it.. It's like driving at night and seeing lights and trees appear, a story, a scene unfolding before you.. I sit here on this chair staring out the window and I begin to imagine stories like splashing a vivid bright color on to black.... Like the beat of a drum bringing silence to life....

Full Circle

You're more lovely as a memory
I'd rather live in the reverie
I watch you cut deep into me
Why are my emotions paper thin
So I just give up and let you in
But I still don't know where to begin
You are a puzzle I can't piece together
But I still know the pieces fit
Sometimes the pieces get bent though
And then you turn into someone else
I can't keep filling your gaps in
I tried to complete you
That hollow emptiness inside of you
Like maybe I could save you
But you deplete me
You fucking drain and defeat me
The truth is not created
It's discovered
Although often contemplated and debated
Because it's complicated
Happy
I just want to be happy
But maybe what I want isn't healthy
The key is balance
So open the door
But don't go all the way in
Life is paper thin
One minute you're here
And the next you're gone
But they say
Everything eventually returns back to the same way
From dust to dust
So does that mean that we will return to each other
Someday
But what is time if only an illusion
What is hopelessness if only a state of mind
You're running forward
Only to go in a full circle
And come back to where you started
Is it because you left something behind?
Time can't rewind
But you can
We're like stray cats that keep coming back for more
But then we realize what we're fighting for
It hits us all at once
And then I stop letting all these things hold me back
Because something is only lost
Until it's found
So with hurting soles
And our aching souls
We turn back around....