Oh love..

I remember crying for you
I felt like if I went on
I would cry my own lakes
And then I could swim in my own sorrow
And I still could
But I won't let myself
I have forced myself
To disconnect
Like cutting off a piece of myself
Well there goes my second half
It wasn't much of a half to begin with
Lies create an illusion
And you fooled me
I helplessly fell under your spell
Your beauty only made it harder
To let go
When you told me to leave
I almost couldn't believe
I held on to the only thing I had ever really loved
The first person
And for that you are even more special
But it's okay
I'll just keep you in my memory
Tucked away
Some of the most beautiful things
Are only meant to be kept on display
So I will keep you there
Day after day
The memories replay
But the time has long since gone away
Hold on to what you can
But let what you love free
Light it up
And let it go
Why would you want to cage a beautiful bird?
I'd rather just admire you from afar
But wait
I want to feel you
I want to show you how much I could love you
More than anyone else could
I want to give you what you're searching for
Understanding and acceptance
A sense of belonging
I want to tell you that you're special
I want you to know..
How much you mean to me..
But here I am again being told the same thing
Just.. Let.. It.. Go..
I guess such a selfless act can only be done
By someone who really cares
But it's just so.. Damn.. Hard
To say good bye for good..
Well the good in good bye must be for something
At least I can keep a piece of you forever with me
In my memory
No one is here to stay
We can't
We're just here to leave a mark
And hopefully a positive impact
And have you remember us in the best ways
Never forget me
That's all I ask
When I finally leave someday
Either by inconvenience or death
Just hold on to what I gave you
At least the good
And never forget the love I gave you
I hope it forever stays engraved in you..

....

Why do I get the urge to write at night when I'm trying to sleep? ..Something about the night.. So peaceful, the atmosphere so fitting, the darkness so mysterious and enchanting inspires my imagination.. Fuels my motivation.. I bleed out my thoughts on to paper with ink.. Every stroke creating something new, into the darkness I immerse myself, creating something out of nothing.. And I love it, I absolutely love it.. It's like driving at night and seeing lights and trees appear, a story, a scene unfolding before you.. I sit here on this chair staring out the window and I begin to imagine stories like splashing a vivid bright color on to black.... Like the beat of a drum bringing silence to life....

Full Circle

You're more lovely as a memory
I'd rather live in the reverie
I watch you cut deep into me
Why are my emotions paper thin
So I just give up and let you in
But I still don't know where to begin
You are a puzzle I can't piece together
But I still know the pieces fit
Sometimes the pieces get bent though
And then you turn into someone else
I can't keep filling your gaps in
I tried to complete you
That hollow emptiness inside of you
Like maybe I could save you
But you deplete me
You fucking drain and defeat me
The truth is not created
It's discovered
Although often contemplated and debated
Because it's complicated
Happy
I just want to be happy
But maybe what I want isn't healthy
The key is balance
So open the door
But don't go all the way in
Life is paper thin
One minute you're here
And the next you're gone
But they say
Everything eventually returns back to the same way
From dust to dust
So does that mean that we will return to each other
Someday
But what is time if only an illusion
What is hopelessness if only a state of mind
You're running forward
Only to go in a full circle
And come back to where you started
Is it because you left something behind?
Time can't rewind
But you can
We're like stray cats that keep coming back for more
But then we realize what we're fighting for
It hits us all at once
And then I stop letting all these things hold me back
Because something is only lost
Until it's found
So with hurting soles
And our aching souls
We turn back around....

Lost and Not Willing To Be Found

She never stopped to truly appreciate things
So that time fled past her
And good things got away
She never mourned the last light of day
For she's become used to waking up
Wasting time
Seems to be part of her daily routine
Skipping along the tracks of time
Humming a merry tune
As she leads herself to her own demise
But never truly finding what makes her happy
She's a lost soul
Too blind
Too preocupied
With unimportant things
To realize
What she's missing out on
Every day is a chance
But every day that passes
Is a chance lost
Laying there
On her bed
Watching mindless shows
That only seem to perpetuate
Her ignorance
She rolls over during a commercial break
And starts to play with the hourglass
Beside her bed
Watching the grains of sand
Run through
She's mesmerized
Like a fool
Hypnotized
Every day is a repetition
A static scene
Of her stagnant life
Instead of trying to find herself
She loses herself more
Twirling and dancing along
With the flow of life
Not caring
Like she should
Not caring
For what she should....
She's running
But never knowing where
Moving
Yet not really getting anywhere
Can't even tell North from South
She even has trouble guiding herself home
Because maybe she seemingly has one
But in reality it's only the illusion
Walls aren't what make a true home
They are merely shelter
A real home is when you feel
Like you belong
Somewhere
And she never seems to
Well she never seems to search further
Than the surface
Oversees important details
Things that would help her realize....
Things that could help guide her home
But she's too far lost
In a sea of her own
Stranded on her own island
She has confined herself on
Like living trapped in a maze
Running around
Yet never finding an escape
Maybe death will be
Her only escape
It's truly a tragedy
Don't fall into society's trap
They want you to be as brainwashed
As you are
Sweet naive child
If I could help you open your eyes
I would
But I don't think you even want to be helped
Living in denial
Living in a spiral
Falling down
Deeper and deeper
Every day
Grab ahold
Of your life
Take charge
I know you can do it
I saw you at your worst
And I still believed in you....
I never lost hope for you
And even though you hurt me
You're still as beautiful as ever
That I can't deny
Such a beautiful lie
 So keep humming that bittersweet beat
Accompanying your every movement
Your ignorance is toxic
You are a melancholy melody
Playing a song that no one can understand
Not even yourself
A symphony of destruction....

Poison Candy

I can hear whispers in the wind
Faded but still there
The past follows me
Haunts me at every corner
I see your smile
In my head
I still remember the sound of your laughter
How could I forget
You still show up
In my dreams
Like you did before I met you
And your memory won't leave me the fuck alone
Sometimes I wish I never met you
Sometimes I wish I could erase you from my memories
Just get rid of you
But then I'd erase some of my most favorite moments
And even though you hurt me
You were still one of my favorite people
I don't know what it was about you
I still can't figure it out
Why was it you
And why is it still you
Something invisible seems to draw me to you
Like some kind of force
Pulling me towards you
Like a moth is drawn to a light
Only to die from the direct contact
Like an addict
Keeps going back to the poison
Digging their own grave
I guess some of the best things are meant to kill us
Maybe that's why we're not immortal....