There's no making sense of you
So don't waste time trying
You're just a mindfuck
A genuine mystery
Unsolved
And unable to be solved
Pick out what you say
Carefully
For words are like weapons
They can penetrate deep
A punch is temporary pain
But vile words spit out in anger
They stay with you
Engraved in your memory
Echoing in your head
When you hurt me
I wish you would've just hit me
At least the pain would be gone by now
But instead you struck me with words
So harsh they still make me cringe
I'd like to believe most of what you said
Was influenced by illogical emotion
How can you throw out so much hate
Towards someone you supposedly loved?
You and your toxic tongue
How can you say that you meant such words
When they were so wrong
When it went against everything you said
When you were calm?
Do you not have an in-between?
Is everything not as it seems with you?
Are you just as fake and tainted as everything else?
Who are you?.........
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
This needs to be poured out of my head, before I end up dead.... I need to wipe the dirt off my clothes because I've been laying on the ground too close to my grave..
Pointless devotion
Unreciprocated emotion
Tainted love
You're like a drug
Take the needle out of my arm
Make me numb to your charm
You're so insincere
Your touch ignites fear
Get me the fuck out of here
I try to run
But my heart holds me back
You try to console me
But the truth shines right through
You can't hide the sun
And now you're torturing me for fun
Is this what I get for all that I gave?
Is this what I led myself to
With the road that I so lovingly paved?
I can't find my luck
I think I left it behind
It's hard to give a fuck
When I'm intoxicated
Out of my mind
I don't want to live like this
Give me back what you took from me
Erase you from my memory
I kind of wish I never met you
I kind of wish I could hate you
But I love you
And I'm sorry
I know it won't be justified in a rhyme
But I'm feeling poetic
And you're on my mind
The world is at a decline
Like our relationship
That perfect needlework that
We were trying so hard to design
Was just left to unwind
But when I was with you
For a while
Everything seemed fine
When I could hold your hand
And call you mine
The planets seemed to align
Like your eyes
With mine
And our lips
And it felt perfect
Like fitting puzzle pieces together
When I would lay my head on you
And feel your heartbeat
Rhythm and harmony was brought back into my life
Your embrace was a security blanket
And I felt safe and happy
Just laying by your side
But fuck that
You never really cared
You never really realized
How special it was what we shared
So I'm just wasting my time
And tears
For still caring
For ever caring
Sure we made lovely memories
But what's the point
If they're all disregarded in the heat of the moment
Lost in these negative reveries
Will you ever wake up from this haze?
And remember why it was that we stayed
For so long
Turn back and finally appreciate
Before carrying on
But you're already so gone
Unreciprocated emotion
Tainted love
You're like a drug
Take the needle out of my arm
Make me numb to your charm
You're so insincere
Your touch ignites fear
Get me the fuck out of here
I try to run
But my heart holds me back
You try to console me
But the truth shines right through
You can't hide the sun
And now you're torturing me for fun
Is this what I get for all that I gave?
Is this what I led myself to
With the road that I so lovingly paved?
I can't find my luck
I think I left it behind
It's hard to give a fuck
When I'm intoxicated
Out of my mind
I don't want to live like this
Give me back what you took from me
Erase you from my memory
I kind of wish I never met you
I kind of wish I could hate you
But I love you
And I'm sorry
I know it won't be justified in a rhyme
But I'm feeling poetic
And you're on my mind
The world is at a decline
Like our relationship
That perfect needlework that
We were trying so hard to design
Was just left to unwind
But when I was with you
For a while
Everything seemed fine
When I could hold your hand
And call you mine
The planets seemed to align
Like your eyes
With mine
And our lips
And it felt perfect
Like fitting puzzle pieces together
When I would lay my head on you
And feel your heartbeat
Rhythm and harmony was brought back into my life
Your embrace was a security blanket
And I felt safe and happy
Just laying by your side
But fuck that
You never really cared
You never really realized
How special it was what we shared
So I'm just wasting my time
And tears
For still caring
For ever caring
Sure we made lovely memories
But what's the point
If they're all disregarded in the heat of the moment
Lost in these negative reveries
Will you ever wake up from this haze?
And remember why it was that we stayed
For so long
Turn back and finally appreciate
Before carrying on
But you're already so gone
Ho Hum
Love is such a mysterious thing....
These feelings that seem to just come up out of nowhere
Just by simply looking at you....
You're my attraction..
My visual satisfaction...
A week doesn't go by
That I don't cry....
These tears don't seem to digress...
My happiness doesn't seem to suffice
Without you....
So full of hope
Yet continuosly let down...
How can I keep holding on?
To such a small thread....
Everyone elses love is so foreign to my heart....
Their touch doesn't ignite a spark....
Their food and kisses upset my stomach....
I have to almost pretend I care
Force a smile
And I hate that
I can't do that
Sorry everyone else
I don't just smile naturally
Like when I'm with you
And I can't even contain my happiness
And I find myself blushing
And trying to hide my face
Because I don't want you to see
This effect you have upon me
I'm afraid to be vulnerable
But with you I can't help it
These feelings are exclusive to you
You create them in me
No one else could make me feel like this
The effect wouldn't be the same
It's not the same smiling face
That can make my heart race
Not the same touch
Not the same feel
And everything is just so
Perfect with you
When we're both happy
Together
These feelings that seem to just come up out of nowhere
Just by simply looking at you....
You're my attraction..
My visual satisfaction...
A week doesn't go by
That I don't cry....
These tears don't seem to digress...
My happiness doesn't seem to suffice
Without you....
So full of hope
Yet continuosly let down...
How can I keep holding on?
To such a small thread....
Everyone elses love is so foreign to my heart....
Their touch doesn't ignite a spark....
Their food and kisses upset my stomach....
I have to almost pretend I care
Force a smile
And I hate that
I can't do that
Sorry everyone else
I don't just smile naturally
Like when I'm with you
And I can't even contain my happiness
And I find myself blushing
And trying to hide my face
Because I don't want you to see
This effect you have upon me
I'm afraid to be vulnerable
But with you I can't help it
These feelings are exclusive to you
You create them in me
No one else could make me feel like this
The effect wouldn't be the same
It's not the same smiling face
That can make my heart race
Not the same touch
Not the same feel
And everything is just so
Perfect with you
When we're both happy
Together
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Farewell Lover~
Frustrated and jaded
This life I contemplated
This relationship was complicated
My heart was invaded
You persuaded my prevaricational fantasies
And I waited
Just to remain sedated
Finally I dictated
My struggles and my devastation
Unmotivated and tainted
I led my life intoxicated
It helps us get through the shit better... It's funny how we escape reality to find happiness...
You were the only reality that truly brought me happiness
You were like none other
You were able to make me smile through all the distress
I couldn't cry enough
I can still feel the pain
If I close my eyes tight enough
To let something go that you thought would be your's forever
Something that can't be replaced
It's too much to bear...
Like what the fuck is air?
When you were my reason for living
Without you I don't care to carry on
This life is too hard to live without love
You're the one I need
You're my air
Living without you is unhealthy for me...
Love keeps us alive
You live on through the memories of loved ones
We find purpose in life to live
Finding companionship
Through all the debree of this world's destruction
Is one of life's greatest objectives
It's also one of the hardest
It's hard to find someone who truly cares
When people have all of these hidden motives and selfishness
Not enough appreciation
It's not likely someone will actually stick around and follow through
Look, I know monogamy is not realistic
But I'm real
And I promise I meant it when I said I only wanted you
And I will always care
I can't help it
The pain never really goes away
You just learn to live with it
I guess I am married to melancholy...
This life I contemplated
This relationship was complicated
My heart was invaded
You persuaded my prevaricational fantasies
And I waited
Just to remain sedated
Finally I dictated
My struggles and my devastation
Unmotivated and tainted
I led my life intoxicated
It helps us get through the shit better... It's funny how we escape reality to find happiness...
You were the only reality that truly brought me happiness
You were like none other
You were able to make me smile through all the distress
I couldn't cry enough
I can still feel the pain
If I close my eyes tight enough
To let something go that you thought would be your's forever
Something that can't be replaced
It's too much to bear...
Like what the fuck is air?
When you were my reason for living
Without you I don't care to carry on
This life is too hard to live without love
You're the one I need
You're my air
Living without you is unhealthy for me...
Love keeps us alive
You live on through the memories of loved ones
We find purpose in life to live
Finding companionship
Through all the debree of this world's destruction
Is one of life's greatest objectives
It's also one of the hardest
It's hard to find someone who truly cares
When people have all of these hidden motives and selfishness
Not enough appreciation
It's not likely someone will actually stick around and follow through
Look, I know monogamy is not realistic
But I'm real
And I promise I meant it when I said I only wanted you
And I will always care
I can't help it
The pain never really goes away
You just learn to live with it
I guess I am married to melancholy...
.....
An old soul
A young spirit...
People try to tell me how to live my life
Society tries to bend and twist me to their will
To satisfy their needs
To perpetuate a corrupt system
Where too many things are being done wrong...
I don't want to hear it
I will not submit to that bullshit
And it's not cause I'm not a good listener
Or closed-minded
It's because my mind is wide open
Just like my eyes that have been exposed to the lies
Like my free soul that will not be chained down
To a mediocre life
Filled with false promises
Where we give so much
For such little return
The only thing college promises is debt
Yeah I know
The only thing life promises is death
And this time I have here is limited
So I choose to use it wisely
You know
I have begun to distance myself
It's quite interesting
That when you step back
With a perspective as broad as possible
The truth is quickly made clear
I almost couldn't believe what I was witnessing
It's as if I was behind the scenes of a movie being directed
By the government
By our corporate masses
We are like rats trapped in a maze
Too blind to find an escape
Too tired to care
Living our day to day lives
Trapped in a vigorous cycle
That only a few are intelligent and courageous enough to rise above
Fucking nevermind these things
They make me depressed
When I try so hard to be optimistic
But it seems like being realistic goes hand in hand with being pessimistic
I stare at these people
Consuming
Polluting
The news is like comedy for me
They can't feed me that shit
And expect me to buy into it
But they will most certaintly try
These people don't think I see their true intentions
Hidden motives are made clear
When you're no longer a beneficial member of society
When I look in the mirror
And I imagine my future
Idealized
I don't know if I see a realistic expectation or reverie
Because all of my dreams and ambitions
Are too hard to pursue in a world like this
Well I'd much rather die trying
Than give up and give in
For what?
You rarely get return
It's holding you back
But you've already been sucked in and trapped
Prisoner of this lifestyle
A lifestyle where you're forever in debt
Just give, give, give
While higher authorities throw you breadcrumbs
Like birds
Don't be a fucking bird brain
You have so much more potential than that
Poor innocent child
I tried to save you
I tried to save myself
But the power of authority
And the ever-influencing media kept dragging us down
Well this is how the world works, kid
Because we have settled for it
We have conformed
As if the world is in such a wonderful state
And there's no room for complaint
I guess life is sort of like a game
And you just have to learn how to play it
So if you're not fighting against what's unfair
And just feeding into it
Then shut the fuck up and stop whining
What the hell did you expect?
Here you are barely making ends meet
You have dedicated your whole life
To barely be able to support your kids and wife
This is majority of population
The working class
After being attempted to be brainwashed
Throughout my whole life
I can feel myself naturally isolating
Because of how truly different I am from all of them
And if that sounds vain
Then I guess the truth can be
But everything I do humbly
And rooted in good intentions
I am not religious
I just have proper morals
I can be selfless
I can do good things on my own
And not for the purpose of obeying a higher power
Just because it's who I am
A lot of ignorant people are guided by morals the bible teaches
That they should have on their own
Insincerity
Everywhere
My religion is truth
A young spirit...
People try to tell me how to live my life
Society tries to bend and twist me to their will
To satisfy their needs
To perpetuate a corrupt system
Where too many things are being done wrong...
I don't want to hear it
I will not submit to that bullshit
And it's not cause I'm not a good listener
Or closed-minded
It's because my mind is wide open
Just like my eyes that have been exposed to the lies
Like my free soul that will not be chained down
To a mediocre life
Filled with false promises
Where we give so much
For such little return
The only thing college promises is debt
Yeah I know
The only thing life promises is death
And this time I have here is limited
So I choose to use it wisely
You know
I have begun to distance myself
It's quite interesting
That when you step back
With a perspective as broad as possible
The truth is quickly made clear
I almost couldn't believe what I was witnessing
It's as if I was behind the scenes of a movie being directed
By the government
By our corporate masses
We are like rats trapped in a maze
Too blind to find an escape
Too tired to care
Living our day to day lives
Trapped in a vigorous cycle
That only a few are intelligent and courageous enough to rise above
Fucking nevermind these things
They make me depressed
When I try so hard to be optimistic
But it seems like being realistic goes hand in hand with being pessimistic
I stare at these people
Consuming
Polluting
The news is like comedy for me
They can't feed me that shit
And expect me to buy into it
But they will most certaintly try
These people don't think I see their true intentions
Hidden motives are made clear
When you're no longer a beneficial member of society
When I look in the mirror
And I imagine my future
Idealized
I don't know if I see a realistic expectation or reverie
Because all of my dreams and ambitions
Are too hard to pursue in a world like this
Well I'd much rather die trying
Than give up and give in
For what?
You rarely get return
It's holding you back
But you've already been sucked in and trapped
Prisoner of this lifestyle
A lifestyle where you're forever in debt
Just give, give, give
While higher authorities throw you breadcrumbs
Like birds
Don't be a fucking bird brain
You have so much more potential than that
Poor innocent child
I tried to save you
I tried to save myself
But the power of authority
And the ever-influencing media kept dragging us down
Well this is how the world works, kid
Because we have settled for it
We have conformed
As if the world is in such a wonderful state
And there's no room for complaint
I guess life is sort of like a game
And you just have to learn how to play it
So if you're not fighting against what's unfair
And just feeding into it
Then shut the fuck up and stop whining
What the hell did you expect?
Here you are barely making ends meet
You have dedicated your whole life
To barely be able to support your kids and wife
This is majority of population
The working class
After being attempted to be brainwashed
Throughout my whole life
I can feel myself naturally isolating
Because of how truly different I am from all of them
And if that sounds vain
Then I guess the truth can be
But everything I do humbly
And rooted in good intentions
I am not religious
I just have proper morals
I can be selfless
I can do good things on my own
And not for the purpose of obeying a higher power
Just because it's who I am
A lot of ignorant people are guided by morals the bible teaches
That they should have on their own
Insincerity
Everywhere
My religion is truth
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