Savor The Simplicity of Life, Where Even Breathing Should Be a Privilege....

They say to live in the moment
And you can make every moment worth it
You can
But the first step to being able to
Is believing that you can
Sadness and anger doesn't have to be a part of it
And maybe sometimes it's worth being sad
Maybe a sad moment is an open door
To a happy moment
Maybe it takes being sad
To realize what true happiness is
Maybe it helps appreciate it more
I want to be so sad that I forget what happiness feels like
So when I experience it again
It's just that powerful and meaningful
Like fuck
I needed that
So bad
I value every second of it
Immerse myself in the moment
Let my feelings unwind
In a twirling array of color
And they vibrate
With the vibration of the music
That bittersweet beat
But I love it
Nonetheless
I crave it
I want to feel it
Inside of me
Flowing through my veins
Igniting me with passion
Bringing me to life again
Without music
I'm like an inanimate object
Just existing
Let the beat of your heart
Breathe life into me

~~~~~~~~

~Falling~

I fell down

A never ending spiral

Except I wasn't chasing a white rabbit

Where the fuck am I?

Who the fuck knows?

There's no one else here

But me

And I can't save myself

Because I don't even know how the fuck I got here...

Farewell My Once Upon A Time Lover~

You know, I'm glad you decided to separate now; I can actually say that now. Because, the thing is, I would've probably never left you. Even if I knew deep down that I shouldn't be with you; I wouldn't of abandoned you; it's just not in my nature to leave someone I love like that. And although I never wanted to completely let you go, I'm kind of glad you disconnected yourself now because it allowed, or rather forced me to disconnect. And although it hurts to say, it really is for the best because even though we could've made things work if we both wanted to; it just wasn't the case unfortunately and I would've never been able to do it alone. A relationship is compromised of two people that are working to keep the relationship, together. Not one person trying to open the others eyes and fighting for it at every break-up, doing whatever just to not lose the other person. No, I was fucking tired of that; it wasn't right.. It just wasn't right for me to be the one that kept making you realize and pleading with you to value and appreciate. I put in so much time and effort and you seemed to get over me like I was nothing; it really makes me feel unnapreciated.. It makes me feel like I wasn't worth anything, if you were able to get over me that quick. But that's not true, and that's just why I can never be with you. Because you never appreciated, you never valued what you had; you threw everything away like it was nothing, when it was most definitely something. And if you couldn't see the worth in my love or in my sacrifice and effort and perseverance, then I don't want anything to do with you. What a waste of my fucking time, really. And we talk about valuing things, hah well.. I should value my time more. It was literally like a slap, a spit in the face, when you just threw it all away. I may have been abandoned, but I am still myself and you can't take who I am away from me. To say the least, being with you was degrading to me. It really was, because of the kind of person you are. The way you treat things, the way you treat yourself; you honestly don't deserve anyone. Do everyone a favor and don't hurt anyone else. Yes, hurt is a part of love; it's almost inevitable not to get hurt in love. But being the kind of person you are, you will ultimately just end up hurting people. You told me you couldn't even trust yourself and that's honestly scary; it's dangerous. I feel free now, although I still love you and always will care for you, I feel like now I am not in need of having you. I don't need you by my side, I don't need to even see or talk to you, and it feels great. It's a relief, like chains being taken off of me. I can no longer be hurt by your actions or words because I am not in your presence anymore, you're not even an acquaintance. So don't fucking ever bother telling me you care about me, when you were able to cut me out of your life like you did. Someone who cares will at the very least want to know how you are and where you're at; and I wouldn't of minded simple open communication like that, but you chose to cut it all off and I will not ask for any kind of communication again. I will not beg to have someone I care about let me into their lives, because I care enough to respect their wishes. And it feels great now, I can breathe fine and I'm not choking up all the time. I can dance and smile and sing happy songs sincerely. And love, oh love, I have hope that I will find you again and this doesn't necessarily mean from someone else, mainly it should be from within. But I have people in my life that I know genuinely care, my real friends are few but finding people who truly care is rare, so I'm really grateful. I have a lot of people I hang out with, including my close friends, and I make it a priority to be around people I can enjoy myself around and have a good time with. I want to make as many lovely memories as I can because memories are all we really have left in the end. I don't need anyone, but it's nice to know I have people there for me. I had sacrificed everything for you, but it was never appreciated; I gave all my love and attention to you, exclusively, but you were so undeserving. I am at the point now where I can just say "Fuck you!" and it feels great; it's empowering. You are no longer in control of my emotions; you have no power over me.  

........

I never liked taking medication for my anxiety or depression, it made me feel like a zombie... I prefer just gritting my teeth and getting through it on my own which is what I've been doing for the past 2 years and I'm surviving. Getting to the root of what's causing your problems in the first place is the correct way to treat them. Figure out what's affecting you and remove it from your life or find ways to deal with it naturally, rather then solely depending on medication to solve your issues.

Society is dumbing people down, people spending time doing things they're tricked into liking because it's what everyone else is doing; partying, doing drugs, watching all these silly television shows, and whatever the fuck else... Open your eyes, realize... Value and appreciate time... Spend time doing more productive things.. This is what I strive to do....

Night Time Ponderings.....

So last night, after smoking a bowl, I was seeing flashes of light in the dark and I imagined they were time portals that could take you back in time or to the future and you could revisit old memories.. But I was pondering whether they would still pan out the same, if maybe I could time travel to the past and make everything okay again by doing things right this time..... I wish I could time travel....

Also swinging with my eyes closed makes me feel like I'm flying, striding through the skies, as free as the wind...... It makes me feel alive....

How the fuck even....

And here you are again, ready to just give your heart away again, so quickly.... When it's so hard for me to put my trust and love into someone.. It's hard to even fathom another relationship.. You really aren't picky, are you?

Why do I still want you, when I look at you? How can I get past all the shit you said and did? ....... Because you're just that lovely.....